Letting the “Snow” Settle

 

My Wife Jen, AKA Velomom had a great analogy the other day on her Blog.

“When I sit down to meditate I picture my mind like a snow globe that has just been shaken, the snow is everywhere and nothing is settled. During meditation I try to get that snow (my thoughts) to settle.”

I can really relate to that. During the day my thoughts are everywhere and my brain runs in overdrive just bouncing from one frivolous thing to the next. It’s not until I get on my bike that the snow settles to the bottom and I have time to let thoughts of Axel in. Actually Axel is on my mind every waking moment but it’s amazing how disconnected I am from those thoughts as they just blend in with all the other chaos. On the bike I really have room for only two thoughts, first keeping the bike upright and second whatever is most important to me. Of course that is Axel

It seems incredible that he has been gone now for almost 4 months. On one hand it feels like a lifetime and on the other I can still feel him climbing up my back to try and tackle me on the couch. Lately though the thoughts have not all been great. On my rides I get vivid images of him laying dead in the hospital bed, it really hurts and I try my best to move past it but it doesn’t happen it’s just burned into my memory. I think(hope) it’s all just part of the process. As time passes I would expect the hard memories will be replaced by more of the good ones.

Either way, I will continue to get on my bike and let the snow settle. I welcome any time I can spend focused on Axel and the bike seems to be my gateway to him.

Axel was so excited about his new truck for Christmas!

Axel was so excited about his new truck for Christmas!

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